In an unprecedented move, Buckingham Palace have announced that Her Majesty The Queen will be carrying a can of pepper spray when she meets President-elect, Donald Trump, for the first time following his inauguration.
A spokesman for The Palace said last night: “In view of the fact that Mr Trump has a somewhat unfortunate reputation for invading the personal space of members of the opposite sex – which has been known to involve grabbing their private parts – we have decided that it would be prudent for Her Majesty to be armed with a self-defence spray in case Mr Trump flaunts royal protocol and goes downstairs for a feel of her growler.
“There will also be a personal bodyguard in attendance who will be under instructions to tackle and, if necessary, to physically remove the president if he looks as if he’s going to show The Queen his cock”
Just hours after the statement, Trump hit back at the accusation that he is a serial groper via his Twitter account: “In no way would Donald J Trump grab The Queen’s pussy The Queen is a tremendous person whose pussy I would not grab. No pussy grabbing. None!”
The Palace have also confirmed that Her Majesty will be urged to empty her bladder before meeting Mr Trump and to keep her fluid intake to a minimum during the encounter.