What the devil…!


As America prepares itself for the swearing-in of a new president later today, there have been a number of reported sightings of men having sex with goats in many parts of the country.

In Washington State alone there have been 25 sightings, while in New York, the home of the president-elect, Donald Trump, 12 men in hoods and long black robes were held by police after they broke into a zoo and began copulating with goats, both male and female, in a children’s petting zoo enclosure.

In other, separate, pre-inauguration incidents, a number of freshly-occupied graves have been found empty in Chicago, Illinois, and there have been reported sightings of large flocks of black vultures wheeling in the skies above places of Christian worship in and around Washington DC, with one huge creature swooping down and landing on the iconic dome of The White House itself.

Mr Trump himself was unavailable for comment last night, but a close friend and aide, Damien Black, met with reporters. Stroking a large black cat which he was cradling in his arms, Black said: “The president-elect is aware of these incidents and has heard the ridiculous rumours that they are portents of impending evil. He has asked me to reassure the American people that they are no such thing and that the people of this great nation have absolutely nothing to fear”

A blood red comet then streaked across the sky accompanied by a deep rumble of thunder as Mr Black got back into his car.

As he did so, his trousers rode up to reveal hirsute muscular calfs and two, off white, cloven hooves protruding from the hem of each leg.