from our political editor and plumbing supplies correspondent, Danny SoZ
The Whitechapel Whelk has learned, that during today’s meeting with United States President, Donald Trump, Prime Minister, Theresa May will be requesting that he forces the Mexican government to pay for a replacement immersion heater element that her husband, Philip, fitted in the hot water tank in the airing cupboard at 10 Downing Street at the weekend.
A Number Ten insider told us: “Mrs May has indicated that she will ask the president to insist that the Mexican government pay in full for the new element which cost £11.78 at Plumbwell in Pimlico.
“The Prime Minister wishes it to be known, that although she is fully prepared to prostrate herself and grovel before a self-confessed sex offender, a sociopathic crypto-fascist and torture advocate in order to get a few economic crumbs from his table, she is adamant that Mr Trump must force the Mexicans to stump up the full cost of the element using all the means at his disposal, up to and including, waterboarding the Mexican president and the use of nuclear weapons”
When we confronted Mrs May as she left Number 10 for the airport earlier she remained tight-lipped about the proposal, saying only that she was, “very much looking forward to meeting the president” and that she was, “sure the talks will be beneficial to both countries”
Her husband, who is accompanying Mrs May on the trip, was seen stepping into the official limousine carrying a plastic bag with a burnt out immersion element clearly protruding from the top.
Political commentators are now speculating that he’s taking the old element to prove to Mr Trump they’re not trying to pull a fast one.