Dear Rubber Johnny
My wife and I are hosting a dinner party for some old and very dear friends at the weekend and we were wondering if you could give us a few tips on hors d’oeuvres.
Should we go for something fairly simple like crostini with lemon fennel slaw, or should we really push the boat out and opt for a perennial classic like peanut chicken skewers with a spicy mayo dip.
Mr Toby Dell
Have you ever served a plate of hors d’ouevres to your guests wearing a rubber penis restraint?
Well, I have, and the feel of the rubber harness biting into the base of your member and tightening around the testicles as you make small talk with your fellow diners is delicious.
In point of fact, we had some close friends over for dinner last weekend and I actually ejaculated violently into the rubber pants I was wearing as I handed round the petit fours.
Does Mrs Dell like rubber? If so, can you send me some pictures of her wearing a gas mask?
As for the food, if I were you I’d go for something easy to prepare and yet delicious like mango shrimp in endive leaves, perhaps with a side dish of goat cheese crisps.
Have a wonderful evening
Why not pop into Johnny’s shop: “Rubber Dub Grub” at 284 Whitechapel Road for all your culinary and depraved fetishist needs?