trump

Islamic terror group, Daesh, last night announced that they have made, United States President, Donald Trump, an honorary member for “outstanding services to recruitment.”

The group, also known as Islamic State, are said to be delighted by the recent upsurge in people from across the world who are now clamouring to join them in their fight against Western values.

A spokesman for the group told us last night: “Since Mr Trump’s inauguration last week, we have seen our recruitment figures triple,

“Yesterday alone, we had over 20,000 people submitting online applications to join us after Mr Trump’s latest executive order banning Muslims from the US.

“We are therefore granting him an honorary membership of our organisation as a mark of our appreciation.

“We are also extending an open invitation for Mr Trump to visit our headquarters in northern Iraq whenever he’s free.

“Perhaps, a state visit after he’s had an audience with The Queen of Britain might be an option.

“We’re planning a mass burning of homosexuals and adulterous women in July, so that too could be a timely opportunity for us to thank him personally”

The White House have not yet responded to the announcement, but Trump himself took to Twitter at 3.00am: “I’ve received a most gracious invite from a guy called Daesh and I’m looking forward to meeting him, right after I’ve taken care of those two losers, Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Is it just me, or is The Whelk beginning to sound less like an organ for “fake news” and more like a regular newspaper with every passing day?

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