In an emotional interview with The Whitechapel Whelk, Donald Trump administration senior advisor, Kellyanne Conway, has reached out to the American people and called for a minute’s silence at noon today to remember the 570 Christians who were put to death by crazed radicalised Islamists at the infamous and bloody “Muslim-Led Slaughter At Football Pitch Gulch” in Tuscon, Arizona on this day in 2016.
A visibly upset Conway told us: “I will never forget that terrible day as long as I live.
“When news broke that over 1 thousand murderous and radicalised Iranian immigrants had attacked and killed 570 God-fearing Christians using scimitars, baseball bats and clubs with nails in, while those poor people were in attendance at a bible reading at Football Pitch Gulch, I felt sick at heart and knew immediately that only a Steve Bannon presidency – with Donald Trump as his income tax advisor – could save America from the clutches of the Godless savages, and now, thanks to the good Lord and the common sense of 99.3 percent of American voters we have that in place.
“I am therefore calling for a minute’s silence across America today to remember our fallen Christian brothers and sisters and to condemn and hate on the Muslim barbarians who brutally took their lives in the name of the false prophet, Allah
When we asked for fact-based evidence that the event actually took place as she claims, Conway became testy and snapped, “Of course it took place. It’s just that it was so horrendous that nobody wanted to report it or even talk about it
“I mean to say, if a bunch of limeys had been butchered by bloodthirsty heathens you’d keep it under wraps too, right?”
Ms Conway has asked that her entire fee for this interview is put into her offshore bank account as soon as possible, “no questions asked”