fireworks-roman_candle
Fire down below: A firework similar to the one that blew Mr Dell’s cock and balls off.

 

A 19-year-old Whitechapel man was being treated in hospital for serious burns last night after a pre-Valentine’s Day stunt ended in tragedy.

Casey Dell, an unemployed diesel fitter, had placed a lit roman candle down the front of his trousers, intending to unzip his fly in front of his girlfriend and treat her to an impressive firework ‘display’.

Sadly, things went tragically wrong when Mr Dell discovered that his zip had jammed and that he was unable to remove the firework, which then exploded repeatedly inside his underpants, resulting in the loss of the unfortunate lothario’s penis and one of his testicles.

Mr Dell was heavily sedated last night and was unable to comment, but we did manage to speak to his girlfriend, Tracy Carter, a 17-year-old hairdresser, who told The Whelk: “He came running into the room and began tugging at his zip. I thought it was a bit forward of him to be honest as we’ve only been going out a week.

“He was laughing at first and seemed very excited, but then his expression changed and he seemed to be panicking. He screamed at me to help him take his trousers off but there was no way and I told him to back off.

“Suddenly, there was a huge explosion and his trousers burst into flames at the front. I didn’t know what to think, to be honest, so I got my coat and left”

We asked Miss Carter if she would be visiting Mr Dell later today. She told us she would not and that she had no intention of continuing their relationship, describing him as “a loser” and “a bit of a dick”

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