In this episode, movie hardman and all-round diamond East End geezer, Ray Winstone, comes to the aid of a young woman with a particularly tricky problem
Dear Ray Winstone
I recently got married and I thought it would be rather nice to crochet a marriage blanket to put on the bed.
The trouble is, I’m a bit of a novice and don’t really know where to start when it comes to yarn, hooks, type of stitch etc.
Any help you can give me on this would be really welcome.
Behave yourself love! How you’ve got the front to expect a diamond cockney geezer of my standing to lower meself to helping a two-bob Doris like you is beyond me.
Now, I’m not the sort of geezer that goes round clumping women, but if you don’t sling your bleeding hook a bit lively, I’ll come round to your drum and give you a slap darlin’
That’s the trouble with young sorts like you sweetheart. You’ve got no respect and don’t know when to keep your north and south shut.
Now clear off before I change me mind and dive round there and serve you up.
PS. First things first Tracy. Always ensure you buy a good quality yarn. I can’t stress the importance of this enough. As for the pattern itself, try a granny-style stitch stripe, perhaps with a nice picot edging.
All the very best for the future
Ray Winstone is features editor of The Grievous Bodily Sewing & Embroidery Tribune