It is being reported that over 2 thousand Americans curled up and died from sheer embarrassment during President Donald Trump’s catastrophic, rambling press conference on Wednesday.
The United States Department of Health has revealed that ambulance callouts reached an unprecedented high during Trump’s bug-eyed rant at the media, while funeral homes were snowed under with phone calls from distraught relatives whose loved ones had simply lost the will to live and had died from unbridled shame as the president tried to deny any Russian involvement in last June’s election, uttered the word “bigly” twice, and falsely claimed to have had the biggest (biggliest?) electoral college win since Ronald Regan.
One 32-year-old man from Jacksonville in Florida took matters into his own hands and threw himself to his death from an upstairs window after hearing Trump say “You know what uranium is, right? It’s this thing called nuclear weapons. And other things. Like lots of things are done with uranium. Including some bad things. But nobody talks about that.”
In Britain, a number of American ex-pats were admitted to hospital suffering from acute embarrassment-related problems, including; hypertension, hot flushes, and stiff necks caused by walking around looking down at their shoes.
February 18, 2017 at 5:01 am
Excellent…The Trumpocalypse…Our Contagion in Chief
I loved this!
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February 18, 2017 at 6:17 am
Thank you most bigly, Tanya. God knows why your comment went into the ‘for moderation’ bit but it did.
I blame the Mexicans you know 😀
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February 18, 2017 at 6:19 am
Yes, that is why we need a wall…bad Mexicans. Can we just isolate Trump and call it a day?
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February 18, 2017 at 6:42 am
There are some bad hombres in Mexico and I’m instructing the national guard and Paul Ryan to find out what the hell is going on. Now you can see why this administration is being likened to a finely-tooned machine…a bigly one too!
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February 18, 2017 at 6:59 am
Yes, Trump is very bigly!
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February 18, 2017 at 10:14 am
I think I might have been one of the deaths. If you don’t hear from me again, you know it’s true.
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February 18, 2017 at 10:16 am
P.S. I am glad I have a place to hang out dead or alive.
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February 18, 2017 at 11:06 am
“Other Things” – the more disturbing sequel to Stranger Things. On Netflix soonly.
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February 18, 2017 at 11:28 am
So many bad and fake things on Netflix. So many.
Melania is a very accomplished woman and she told me this. She’s like a finely-tooned machine in that respect. So finely-tooned.
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February 18, 2017 at 11:29 am
And the highest quality there is.
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February 18, 2017 at 12:02 pm
It’s why I don’t watch. Not sure my health insurance covers any of that.
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February 18, 2017 at 6:40 pm
You should check these things out Dan. A Trump press briefing is riveting viewing. Even if you have to do most of it peeking over the top of the sofa and through your fingers. 🙂
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February 18, 2017 at 2:56 pm
Excellent!
The Trump circus is excellent camouflage for the Republican Congress’ restaging of “Everything Old Is New Again.” Proof… Betsy DeVos the Secretary of Education effectively ended her Department last week but will continue to collect her $200,000 a year salary. Other Trump cabinet appointees are expected to follow suit by staging work stoppage sit-ins at their respective agencies., most have already fired their staffs.
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February 18, 2017 at 6:34 pm
We have a right-wing newspaper journo called Richard Littlejohn, you may have seen my spoof version of him, Pilchard Spittlejohn, on this blog. He has a catchphrase, “You couldn’t make it up”
When it comes to the crazy machinations of US politics at present he definitely has a point hahaha.
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February 18, 2017 at 11:47 pm
Hahaha! Donald Trump is like a Godzilla movie… you can’t imagine anybody falling for it and yet they sit there mezmorized.
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February 24, 2017 at 8:09 pm
Most likely the ones who curled up and died were a bunch of 2’s. Probably 1’s. Maybe even 3’s. 1’s. I’d definitely say 1’s. 1’s and 2’s and 3’s. SAD!
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February 25, 2017 at 5:16 am
Bigly sad!
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