“I had a goldfish in my pond once and it was THIS big. Honest!

Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, made an emotional acceptance speech at last night’s Oscars ceremony in Los Angeles after landing the coveted ‘Best Bullshitter’ award in recognition of his steady stream of delusional excuses for his party’s alarming decline in the polls and the recent humiliating by-election defeat at Copeland


In the past two weeks alone, Corbyn has managed to blame a whole plethora of factors, for Labour’s recent demise, including; Tony Blair, the inclement weather on election night coupled with the fact that Labour voters can’t afford big coats, a biased media and Bruce Forsythe

At one point he even told the party faithful that vehicle emissions and global warming were to blame for the recent humbling defeat at Copeland and for the fact that Labour has plummeted disastrously in the opinion polls.

Corbyn dabbed frequently at his eyes as he accepted the award, and in a faltering voice told the assembled stars: “I would like to thank my last 3 wives and the struggling proletariat for their support and for their unfailing ability to suspend their disbelief while I blame everyone and everything except myself for the party’s dire performances since I became leader.

“I would especially like to thank all my loyal supporters across the country who didn’t take the mickey when I claimed to be unable to get a seat on that ram-packed train last year”

Corbyn then ended on a lighter note and prompted howls of laughter from guests as he assured the star-studded audience that he intended to stay on as leader and that he wouldn’t rest until he was Britain’s next prime minister.