It’s a try! What the local man would have seen if his partner hadn’t spoiled everything


From our sport and selfish bitch correspondent, Danny SoZ

A 32-year-old Whitechapel man permitted himself a wry smile yesterday afternoon after his partner set up the ironing board in the room where he was trying to watch the England versus Italy rugby union international and began making inane comments.

Toby Dell, a vehicle technician, told The Whelk: “The match had only just kicked off when my missus came in and began putting up the ironing board.Β  I felt this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach because I knew what was about to happen.

“Sure enough, just as England were awarded a 5-metre scrum for a high Italian tackle, she started telling me that the gutter had been overflowing earlier and that I’d promised to repair it weeks ago.

“Then, just as the Italian defence began to look shaky under a sustained period of pressure from the England front row, she started telling me that her friend had split from her boyfriend because he’d come back drunk from the pub on Valentine’s Day and had told her she was getting a fat arse on her.

“I tried to concentrate on the commentary but it was impossible. The last straw came when she switched on the iron and it began making a really loud hissing noise just as Owen Farrell was about to take a 50-yard penalty, awarded for some illegal handling in the ruck by an Italian prop forward.

“I ended up going into the kitchen to watch the kick being taken on my phone but when I went back in the room she’d switched over to a 1940s love film starring Cary Grant, explaining that she wanted something she could have on in the background”

Mr Dell’s story comes just a week after a 25-year-old man from West Ham claimed that his wife started hoovering and had walked in front of the screen while he was trying to watch Ronnie O’Sullivan take on a difficult long pink in The Welsh Snooker Championship semi-final in Cardiff last Saturday night