Policing a major city like London can be a stressful and often hazardous business, particularly in the current fraught political climate.
Only last weekend, myself and a number of colleagues were ordered to give urgent assistance to a handful of officers who were struggling to control an unruly mob of anti-Donald Trump demonstrators in Trafalgar Square.
As soon as we arrived, I could see that things had turned very nasty; with a number of officers being carried from the scene on stretchers with gaping head wounds and other serious injuries.
Fortunately, I had a half bottle of Tequilla in my tunic pocket and I managed to slip down a side alley and drink until I fell down in a pool of my own piss and sick.
PC Ted is the local liaison officer for Whitechapel Neighbourhood Skinful