big knickers
Mrs Dell (identity deliberately concealed) posing with an identical pair of knickers last night

 

From our retail and dodgy undercrackers correspondent, Danny SoZ

A 30-year-old Whitechapel woman has told The Whelk that she can never go back to the Lidl supermarket in Docklands Road, after an incident earlier this week when the elastic in her knickers snapped, resulting in them falling around her ankles.

Mrs Tracy Dell, a housewife and mother of two, wept repeatedly as she told us: “I was in the queue for the till and had just started to place some items on the conveyor when I felt my knicker elastic let go.

“Before I could make a grab for the waistband, they fell down around my ankles.

“I felt so ashamed and started crying. I just didn’t know what to do with myself.

“I somehow managed to pull myself together and found the composure to step out of them as I shuffled forwards in the queue.

“It was then that I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned round and there was this really nice-looking young bloke standing there.

“He had my pants between his thumb and forefinger and asked me if they were mine. He must have thought I was buying them and that they’d fallen out of my trolley. I just hope he didn’t notice they were still warm.

“To make matters worse, they were a really tatty old pair and had gone a bit grey in the wash. If I’d known what was going to happen I’d have worn a sexy, black lace pair or some see-through French knickers

“At this point, I couldn’t take any more. I just ran home crying and went to bed for the rest of the day.

“I’ll never be able to show my face in that shop again now and will have to send one of the kids to get the spicy bean burgers that my husband likes”

This latest incident comes just 2 weeks after a man from Stepney tried to commit suicide after getting back from his local Tescos only to discover that he’d been walking around the store for over an hour with his knob hanging out.

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