dalek

Following on from yesterday’s announcement that a lesbian character is to be Dr Who’s new assistant, The Whitechapel Whelk has learned that the popular sci-fi children’s show will be introducing a controversial paedophile Dalek character in the next series of adventures beginning later this year.

The iconic robotic baddie will not only be hellbent on destroying Earth but will also harbour disturbing sexual thoughts towards young children.

A spokesperson for the show told us: “We realise this is groundbreaking and even controversial, but we think it’s important that we move with the times and represent a broad cross-section of society and if that means introducing a paedo Dalek then so be it.

“Of course, you won’t see it doing any actual paeding, it’ll be implied more than portrayed. The top bit with the eye sticking out will start spinning round rapidly, while the sink plunger bit that sticks out the front will start going up and down like the clappers when little kids are on the scene, that sort of thing.”

Dr Who fans have given a guarded reaction to the move. A spokesman for The Dr Who Appreciation League, said last night: “We’re all in favour of change and of keeping the storylines fresh and relevant but we feel it might be a bit soon to introduce child abuse into the plots.

“Perhaps they should work up to it gradually by having a couple of adult baby Cybermen wearing big nappies, or perhaps they could make The Master out to be one of those weirdos that gets off on drinking piss. A bit like Donald Trump.”

Editor’s Note: The Whitechapel Whelk abhors the abuse of children and fully supports the idea of castrating those who perpetrate it with a rusty bread knife, so anyone who thinks we are making light of a thoroughly distressing subject is missing the point entirely and will be instructed to fuck off in very short order indeed. Have a nice day.

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