by Danny SoZ and his glamourpuss assistant, The Artful Dodger
There was widespread outrage around the world last night as video footage went viral of a man with a bloodied face being dragged screaming onto a Ryanair flight from Dublin to East Midlands airport.
The distressed man is then shown weeping and struggling as two burly Ryanair flight attendants force him down into an aisle seat and fasten his wrists to the armrests with cable ties.
He is heard to cry out: “For God’s sake let me go. I have a British Airlines ticket for Amsterdam”
The footage, taken by a fellow passenger, closes with the man being force fed a hot bacon panini and being splashed in the face with milk as an attendant peels the lid from a plastic container before forcing the man to drink an exorbitantly-priced lukewarm cup of tea from a polystyrene cup.
Michael O’Leary, the outspoken CEO of Ryanair appeared unconcerned last night as he told reporters: “I don’t know what all the fuss is about, to be honest. The flight was underbooked and this individual was spotted wandering aimlessly around Costa Coffee in the airport lounge, so after making sure he had a credit card, we took him took the necessary steps to get him on board.
“We will, of course, be implementing a hefty surcharge for the inconvenience to our staff
“In any case, now that he’s in the East Midlands I’m sure he’ll be having the time of his life for fuck’s sake”