united airlines
A small troop of highly trained United Airlines cabin crew pictured shortly before handing out snacks and hot towels on the 22.00 Boston to Memphis flight last night


from our war and mincing trolley dolly correspondent, Danny SoZ

White House spokesman, Sean Spicer, drew gasps from newsmen at a press briefing last night as he dropped the bombshell that crack, so-called death squads, of United Airlines cabin crew may be deployed in Syria to wreak havoc in ISIS-held strongholds and to degrade Syrian dictator, Bashar al-Assad’s air strike capability where necessary.

“We realise that this move may be seen as excessive by some in the international community”, Spicer said, “But the president feels that it’s time to take the gloves off when dealing with some of these bad guys.

“Maybe if United Airlines had been around during World War II, Hitler could have been defeated a whole lot sooner. He wasn’t such a bad guy by the way”

Great Britain, last night came out in wholehearted support of the move.

Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, told The House of Commons in a late night emergency sitting: “We stand shoulder to shoulder with our American allies, and if called upon, we won’t hesitate to send in detachments of surly Easyjet check-in staff to provide additional firepower and brow-beating bully boy tactics if needed”