from our sport and interior design correspondent, Danny SoZ
In a surprise move, the entire playing and coaching staff of Whitechapel Wanderers FC have just announced that they are all homosexuals.
The announcement came from the team manager, Toby Dell, 35, who told The Whitechapel Whelk: “I can confirm that the entire team, as well as myself and the team coach, are all gay.
“We decided to come out after a junior player, who was being ribbed by the lads in the dressing room about not having a girlfriend, suddenly blurted out that he was gay.
“You could have heard a pin drop in that dressing room after that, and then, one by one, the lads began to own up to being gay too, including myself and Terry, the coach.
“We all feel as if a weight’s been lifted off our shoulders, to be honest. Of course, I’ve now had to insist that the lads take their showers individually after training, as I don’t want them wearing themselves out before a big game”
Mr Dell then revealed that his wife has since thrown him out and that he’s now living in a two-bedroom flat in Commercial Road with the club chairman and his pool boy.