Weathered Multicolor Wood Chair

Are you constantly feeling tired, stressed and lacklustre? Have your energy levels slumped to an all-time low?

Then the fabulous and innovative, Laze-O-Bastard is just what your body has been crying out for.

Each lovingly crafted item is skilfully fashioned from pieces of wood, gathered by hand from rubbish tips by our dedicated teams of Pakistani orphans on the outskirts of Lahore before being painstakingly glued together in a nearby disused aircraft hanger.

Order your Laze-O-Bastard today and we can almost virtually guarantee that your life will be one of constant ease and repose just days after you’ve been parted from your money.

Here are just a couple of testimonials from delighted customers:

“I used to feel shagged out as soon as I got out of bed in the morning. Now, thanks to my Laze-O-Bastard, I can doss around doing fuck all for hours on end. I’ve already ordered another one for the missus! – Prince William

“Since I’ve been using the fabulous Laze-O-Bastard my desire to get up and earn a living has completely disappeared and I’m now living comfortably on my wife’s whoring money and state handouts. Thanks Laze-O-Bastard!” – The Archbishop of Canterbury

Each item comes with our exclusive, cast iron guarantee, that if you’re not satisfied with your purchase, and you return it to us with 25 working minutes of delivery, we’ll give you 1 tenth of your postage and packing outlay back with very few questions asked.

Send cash or a banker’s draft to the tune of £897 + £2098 P&P to:

The Whitechapel Whelk Marketing Division
The Blind Beggar (Saloon Bar)
London E1

Terms and Conditions: I’m a bone idle dimwit with more money than sense who fully realises I will receive no goods whatsoever after parting with my cash. I have no history of violence nor do I own a firearm.