The Earth pictured from space at 4.14pm yesterday. Notice the shock waves on the surface and the cries from people kicking up fuck


Scientists have reported, that yesterday, at 4.14pm GMT precisely, The Earth tilted 2 degrees on its axis when everybody’s mobile phone vibrated simultaneously.

A spokesman for The National Geographic Society told The Whitechapel Whelk last night: “Statistically, the chances of this happening are more than 25 billion to one, but at precisely 4.14pm yesterday it did, causing The Earth to tilt two degrees to the left.

“Most people wouldn’t have noticed but my wife told me that she was making a brew at the time and her teacup starting sliding down the worktop.

“Some people also reported slight oral discomfort as the vibrations caused their teeth to rattle, and one man rang our office to say that his house of cards had fallen over.”

The last time anything like this happened was on Christmas Day in 1955, the year the electric toothbrush was invented, when everyone who had received one as a present switched it on, causing a tidal wave in The Indian Ocean and over 10 billion simultaneous female orgasms across the globe.