fat bastard
“That’s the trouble with women today. They just let themselves go”

 

A 42-year-old Whitechapel man, who routinely insults women online whose bodies don’t meet his exacting standards, has told The Whelk that he’s mighty glad that none of his victims, nor indeed, any women whatsoever, are ever likely to see his extremely unimpressive and unsightly genitalia.

Toby Dell, unemployed, told us: “There’s nothing I find more satisfying than body shaming women online.

“I find Facebook is best for this as you can have a look at their profile page and pore over their photos until you find one who’s a bit overweight or who has skinny legs or really small tits, that sort of thing.

“I then use one of my troll accounts to give them a hard time over it. It’s great fun and makes me feel really empowered and good about myself.

“I’m just grateful that I’m extremely unattractive and unlikely to ever get a girlfriend, as I’m pretty certain my tiny gnarled cock and unsightly shrivelled ball bag would come in for a fair amount of hammer, to be honest.”

Mr Dell is one of a growing number of men who criticise women’s bodies, either online or in public when standing in groups outside pubs.

Research has shown, that like Mr Dell, they are statistically likely to be single, in extremely poor shape physically, with a face not even a mother could love, and a laughably small penis.

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