Editor, Danny SoZ (pictured left) and smudge wizard, The Artful Dodger, limber up for a fortnight of sun, sea, sand, and cirrhosis of the liver.

The clue’s in the title folks.

Tomorrow I shall be getting my arse dragged up the aisle of a Monarch Airlines plane bound for Portugal, while The Dodger will be guzzling cheese and surrendering without a fight in the land of the escargot and the garlic-guzzling Gallic git.

Mrs Bastard, the firm’s cat is going to be taken care of by our dear friend, and proprietor of the local Chinese restaurant, Li “The Butcher of Peking” Wun Lo, who has assured us that he will be very well taken care of during our absence.

So, we’ll see you in 2 weeks then!

All the very best from all at The Whitechapel Whelk…except Billy Sykes, the sports editor, who was killed by a cricket ball at The Oval earlier today. It’s what he would have wanted.

Be lucky!