Dear Spunky

On a recent flight to China to visit my girlfriend, who I hadn’t seen in 4 months, I masturbated to completion in the toilet a couple of hours before landing.

The thinking behind it, was, that if I cleared the tubes before meeting up with her again, I would be able to last longer when we were in bed together later that day.

My worry now is that there were security cameras hidden in the toilet and that footage now exists of me pleasuring myself.

I did notice that a couple of the stewardesses were looking at me a bit oddly and were giggling together when I came out.

Please help if you can Spunky as I’ve been so worried I’ve barely had a wink of sleep since the incident took place.


Joel Clunge-Disorder
Watford Junction


Dear Joel

As a masturbation guru and self-abuse counsellor for more years than I care to remember, this is a problem I have encountered many times and my answer is always the same on this one.

Many airlines do have spy cameras in the toilets so that they can take footage of people straining out a particularly tricky shit or of couples shagging in the bog. They then play the clips back at the airline’s Christmas party for laughs.

The cabin crew undoubtedly knew you’d been having a hand shandy – so unless you’re prepared to come clean and ask them to hand over the evidence – footage of you blowing your custard will be seen by hundreds of airline staff during the run-up to Christmas later this year.

I hope this sets your mind at rest, Joel. If you have any further concerns of a jizz-related nature, I’ll be glad to help any way I can.

Kind Regards

Spunky Woods is features editor of The Scalding Spadge Gazette