jack the ripper police find body
“Over ‘ere sarge. We’ve got another one!”

The Metropolitan Police are looking into a troubling incident yesterday that led to the entire population of Whitechapel being stabbed – in what a Met spokesman has dubbed, “2 minutes of savagery”

The incident took place between 15.00 and 15.02 yesterday afternoon when over 20,000 masked assailants descended on the borough and stabbed the entire population in a frenzied and unprovoked assault.

One of the victims, Toby Dell, a 45-year-old furniture porter, told The Whelk: “I was carrying a sofa from the van when this bloke in a mask just walked up and stabbed me. I couldn’t believe it to be honest.

“I called out for help to a bloke who was sitting on a bench with his girlfriend but they’d been stabbed too and just told me to call an ambulance.

“Now it seems as if everybody else came in for the same treatment.

“It’s a shame really but it’s a sign of the times we live in I suppose”

Police say that following a full investigation everybody in the South London district of Bermondsey has now been arrested.

They are currently helping police with their enquiries.