police officer with drunk driver


Troubled golfing legend, Tiger Woods, has been invited to visit East London next month by Whitechapel Borough Council.

The star will attend a civic lunch followed by a public stagger-about, where he will be able to weave unsteadily among the locals before visiting The Lord Rodney’s Head public-house in Whitechapel Road for a really good 6 hour session on the grog.

Whitechapel Mayor, Toby Dell, told The Whelk: “We’re hoping that Tiger will be able to make it towards the end of June.

“We’ll be laying on plenty of super strength lager as well as an ample supply of prescription meds at the civic reception so that the great man will be able to get really pilled-up and shit-faced before he goes out and starts reeling around the streets with his nob hanging out”

Woods was unavailable for comment last night as he’s still being detained by cops after a Driving Under The Influence incident close to his home earlier this week, but his agent told us:

“I’m pretty certain Tiger will jump at the chance of a visit, especially if he can have a really good skinful and make an absolute, ocean-going chump of himself in front of the police cameras at the same time”

If Woods does attend, it will be the second time a celebrity piss artist has staggered around the borough, following last year’s visit by soccer legend and notorious booze hound, Paul Gascoigne, who famously fell backwards from his bar stool and pissed his pants in The Grave Maurice public house before having his stomach pumped in The Royal London Hospital later on that afternoon.