Troubled golfing legend, Tiger Woods, has been invited to visit East London next month by Whitechapel Borough Council.
The star will attend a civic lunch followed by a public stagger-about, where he will be able to weave unsteadily among the locals before visiting The Lord Rodney’s Head public-house in Whitechapel Road for a really good 6 hour session on the grog.
Whitechapel Mayor, Toby Dell, told The Whelk: “We’re hoping that Tiger will be able to make it towards the end of June.
“We’ll be laying on plenty of super strength lager as well as an ample supply of prescription meds at the civic reception so that the great man will be able to get really pilled-up and shit-faced before he goes out and starts reeling around the streets with his nob hanging out”
Woods was unavailable for comment last night as he’s still being detained by cops after a Driving Under The Influence incident close to his home earlier this week, but his agent told us:
“I’m pretty certain Tiger will jump at the chance of a visit, especially if he can have a really good skinful and make an absolute, ocean-going chump of himself in front of the police cameras at the same time”
If Woods does attend, it will be the second time a celebrity piss artist has staggered around the borough, following last year’s visit by soccer legend and notorious booze hound, Paul Gascoigne, who famously fell backwards from his bar stool and pissed his pants in The Grave Maurice public house before having his stomach pumped in The Royal London Hospital later on that afternoon.
June 3, 2017 at 8:11 am
I’m puzzled here? Will Tiger add a touch of class to Whitechapel or the reverse? Methinks the latter.
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June 3, 2017 at 8:18 am
Whitechapel will seem like ‘home from home’ to the boy. I’ll guarantee you that much, Peggy. 😀
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June 3, 2017 at 11:33 am
Is one celebrity enough? I think OJ might be available
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June 3, 2017 at 6:38 pm
Orange Juice?? Tiger wouldn’t like that mate, trust me.
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June 3, 2017 at 8:50 pm
Ha. No, OK Simpson. Another troubled celeb on this side of the pond. Although, if he ran for President, maybe…
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June 4, 2017 at 7:56 am
Don’t rule it out mate 😀
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June 3, 2017 at 11:34 am
It might be best for Tiger to pass on this opportunity.
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June 3, 2017 at 6:39 pm
Pass out more like 😀
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June 3, 2017 at 3:49 pm
You could set up a ‘hit the can’ competition in his honour. See who can whack the empties furthest with an Iron.
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June 3, 2017 at 6:41 pm
I think you should look up the cockny rhyming slang version of ‘iron’ and then have a rethink, my lovely 😛
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June 3, 2017 at 6:43 pm
Trust you. Haha!
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June 4, 2017 at 12:07 am
No doubt he will still think he’s in Los Angeles.
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June 4, 2017 at 7:57 am
I don’t think he has much of a clue where he is tbh, MM 😀
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