The 58th GRAMMY Awards - Red Carpet

The world of pop music was reeling last night as a leading genetic scientist revealed that American pop princess, Ariana Grande’s mother was a halibut from the North Sea area just off the coast of Great Yarmouth.

Professor, Tobias Dell, 72, told The Whitechapel Whelk: “My colleagues and I became interested in Ms Grande’s genetics when we noticed that she was constantly pursing her lips in photographs, making her resemble a fish of some description.

“We managed to obtain a trace of her DNA from a wine glass and conducted tests which prove, without doubt, that her mother was a North Sea halibut.

“Her father’s species has not yet been established, but judging by her gyrations when performing on stage we suspect that he may have been a small primate of some description, possibly a gibbon.”

This revelation comes just 2 months after a scientific team from Oxford University, established beyond doubt that pop icon, Justin Bieber’s paternal grandfather was a member of a single-celled species of pondlife from the Cro-Magnon period.

Editor’s Note: We watched Ariana at the One Love concert in Manchester last night, and we all agree that she’s a little poppet and a talented kid who showed real guts and a caring heart. Well played Treacle!