A blogger on the popular WordPress website has told Soz Satire magazine that his self-published book sales have remained pitifully low, despite the fact that he has added the word ‘Author’ to his nom de plume.

Toby Author-Dell, 65, from Whitechapel in East London, told us: “When my self-published book was launched on Amazon in March this year I had such high hopes for its success.

“Hundreds of my WordPress followers had repeatedly told me of its merits in very glowing terms indeed, so my expectations of bumper sales were extremely high.

“However, it only sold 5 copies and those were to my wife and kids, and even they had to be bribed with a weeks holiday in The Algarve.

“I then noticed that a number of my fellow bloggers were adding a hyphenated description to their pen names, such as, novelist, poet, writer etc, so I decided to give it a try and paid the publishers a small fortune to get the byline on the front cover changed.

“Sadly, it has had no effect whatsoever other than to prompt a few internet trolls to rip the piss out of me on Twitter.

“My friends and family have begged me to quit the writing game, and even my doctor has told me that I’m suffering from the delusional condition, Dunning-Kruger Syndrome, but I have unshakeable belief in my ability and I’m going to keep churning out my stuff ad nauseum come hell or high water. I owe it to my readership at the end of the day”

Mr Author-Dell’s book: ‘A Poet’s Guide To Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction’ is available free of charge on Amazon’s online book site, although we’d heartily recommend that you give it a very wide berth indeed, to be honest.

Author/wordsmith’s note: This piece is in no way designed to make people who add rather optimistic job descriptions to their pen names feel like utter twats. Oh dear me no. That’s right out that is!

Kind Regards

Danny Bard-Novelist-Highly-Acclaimed Author-Literary Deity-Erstwhile Airline Pilot-SAS War Hero-Corporation Dustman-SoZ