There was a huge sigh of relief from Britain’s male population last night as heartthrob award-winning actor, adventurer, and seemingly flawless, all-round good guy, Idris Elba, put on an inept display while playing darts in a pub in Whitechapel yesterday afternoon.
Elba, 44, who has been nominated 4 times for a Golden Globe, was absolutely thrashed in a game of 501 by local ‘spear-chucker’, Toby Dell, a 47-year-old mechanic from Factory Lane.
Speaking to The Whelk from his home last night, Mr Dell told us: “When Idris Elba walked into that pub and asked if anyone fancied a game of spears nobody really fancied taking the boy on
“Because of his reputation as being good at everything, everybody thought he’d be a shit-hot player and would wipe the floor with all-comers.
“Against my better judgement, I stepped forward and volunteered to take him on in 3 games of 501.
“To my delight, he was absolutely crap from start to finish. When I finished with a double 8 after 16 darts he still had 437 on the board. I think his highest score was 25.
“As my final dart hit that double, everyone in the boozer started cheering and taking the piss out of him, calling him a flash bastard and a useless mug.
“He just finished his pint, put his arrows back in his top pocket and left. I’m pretty sure he was crying, to be honest.”
Elba couldn’t be contacted last night, but his agent played down the incident: “Idris was suffering from a detached retina after sparring for 12 rounds with World Heavyweight Champ, Anthony Joshua last week, so he probably couldn’t even see the board.
“He also had a bad finger after catching it in his fidget spinner the day before. He’ll be back for a rematch, no question”
Elba is currently shooting a new series of his highly-acclaimed TV cop show, Luther, where he will no doubt end up killing all the baddies with ease and will get to shag at least 3 really fit women while he’s about it.