The Whitechapel Whelk has learned that a local landscape gardener, suffering from acute claustrophobia, lost a grim battle to control his bowels on Tuesday while trapped in a hospital lift with 3 attractive females.
Toby Dell, 32 and single, told us: “I’d just got in the lift and was about to press the button for the 3rd floor when these 3 attractive girls came in at the last minute.
“It was a roasting hot day and I have to say that the clothing they were wearing left little to the imagination.
“Just before we arrived at the 2nd floor, the lift ground to a halt and the lights went out.
“I tried to keep my composure and made a light-hearted remark about it being my lucky day, but inside I could feel my stomach contents turning to warm gravy.
“I struggled like hell to keep things under control but my claustrophobia became overwhelming, and despite my clenching the cheeks of my arse together, I cleared out noisily into my pants.
“I was hoping against hope that the women wouldn’t notice but the stench was pretty outrageous and one of them started gagging
“Luckily, moments later, the lift started to move again and the doors opened at the 3rd floor.
“I can still feel their eyes burning into the back of my head as I waddled to the nearest gent’s toilet clutching at the seat of my trousers in a bid to stop it all running down my legs.
“As if that wasn’t bad enough I was late for my appointment and was told to come back the next day.
“I’ll be taking the stairs this time. No question”
Editor’s Note: If you’re a scantily-clad woman, and you have the pictures to back up your claim, send them to us without delay so that the necessary action can be taken. Thanks.