The Whitechapel Whelk can exclusively reveal that popular actor and TV personality, James Corden, has begun eating himself and has already consumed his left arm and part of his right leg.
A close friend of the Carpool Karaoke star told us: “I first noticed that James was eating himself when a few of us went to a barbeque at his place a few days ago.
“It started when he accidentally got some smokey BBQ marinade on his fingers.
“He began sucking on them to clean them up, then, all of a sudden, he began biting them off one by one and eating them.
“He even put his thumb and pinkie on the grill and basted them with Piri Piri sauce before gnawing the flesh from the bones, a bit like you would with a spicy wing or a spare rib.
“Since then, he’s been gradually eating more and more of himself. He started on his left leg yesterday and has already eaten his foot and the best part of his calf. We’re all a bit worried, to be honest.
“What about if he eats his head? He won’t be able to do his talk show, let alone sing in the car with the likes of Madonna and Michelle Obama”
A leading psychologist told us: “Cordon’s condition is symptomatic of someone suffering from deep-seated narcissism combined with anorexia.
“In short, he absolutely loves himself but hates being a fat fuck, hence the self-cannibalism. It will be playing havoc with his cholesterol levels, I’ll tell you that much”
Corden’s rare condition was once suffered by roly-poly, BBC Radio London presenter, Vanessa Feltz, who eventually gave up after it took her 3 days to eat one of her fingers.
June 24, 2017 at 4:16 am
Question: How does he hold the part to eat if he’s already eaten his fingers!
Request: Please recommend this diet to D. Trump!
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June 24, 2017 at 7:21 am
Answer: There are no shortage of volunteers, only too willing to give him a hand. See what I did there?
Request granted.
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June 24, 2017 at 11:54 am
So funny and cutting. I don’t know where you found that psychologist but I pity his vulnerable clients.
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June 24, 2017 at 1:27 pm
We found him in the pub round the corner in actual fact, Sarah Ann.
He gave us all a quick psychological check-up and found us to be in fine mental fettle.
Mind you, he was very, very drunk at the time 😦
Glad you enjoyed the piece btw 🙂
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June 24, 2017 at 3:15 pm
hehe Food for thought! 🙂
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June 24, 2017 at 3:34 pm
I suppose that is okay – but only if the meat was raised humanely on organic non-GMO feed.
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June 24, 2017 at 5:56 pm
I have it on the best authority that James has been on a strict seafood diet for many years. He sees food and he eats it *lowers head*
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June 26, 2017 at 11:52 am
Hahaha! We’re all a bit worried, to be honest… Haha! Great post.
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June 26, 2017 at 4:20 pm
I’m a bit worried too mate. I got a final demand from the tax man this morning 😀
Glad you enjoyed it.
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