Some people being erotic in the olden days. Courtesy of The Stepney Museum of Ancient Shagging


There was an air of gloom and despondency in Whitechapel last night as news broke that the area has once again failed to win the coveted European District of Erotica crown for the 50th time since its inception 50 years ago.

Whitechapel’s mayor, Toby Dell, 80, couldn’t hide his disappointment when he spoke to us late last night.

“It’s a massive blow to miss out on the title once again, but we’re a resilient bunch in Whitechapel and we’re determined not to let this setback deter us from becoming extremely erotic in the year ahead in a bid to get our hands on the crown in 2018.”

This year’s prestigious Golden Fanny of Montreaux was won by the neighbouring East London district of Shoreditch, who were so erotic in the lead up to Christmas last year that people travelling through the area on public transport were frequently arrested for gross indecency as they masturbated to completion while looking out of the bus window.