Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse and were convinced that this country’s going to hell in a handcart, I can now exclusively reveal that 3 highly-paid National Health Service nurses took 10 minutes off from a 12-hour shift at Great Ormond Street Hospital For Sick Children on Monday to gorge themselves on cups of coffee and cheese rolls while their vulnerable charges were left alone to die, with only hospital cleaners, a few other nurses and a couple of consultant paediatricians to save them from a lonely and agonising last few hours.

These members of the so-called, ‘caring profession’ were seen queuing for refreshments in a nearby cafe before shamelessly sitting at a table and wolfing down the food they had paid for out of their wages, courtesy of the long-suffering British taxpayer.

At the time of going to press, I cannot say whether any or all of these callous individuals were foreign but I wouldn’t be at all surprised and neither should you.

I tried to contact the hospital yesterday but I was fobbed off by an NHS minion who told me they were too busy saving lives to talk to the press. A likely story.

You really couldn’t make it up could you? No wonder this country’s going to hell in a bloody handcart.

Pilchard Spittlejohn is features editor of Popular Gas Chamber Monthly.