northerner

from our premature death and unhealthy eating correspondent, Danny SoZ

A 45-year-old man from Leeds in Yorkshire has been found hanged at his home just days after he asked for a helping of gravy on his plate of pie and mash in an East London eaterie instead of the traditional parsley sauce, or, ‘liquor’.

Toby Dell, a forklift truck driver and father of 7, was found by his wife of 27 years, Mary, in the shed at the end of their garden.

Speaking to The Whelk last night, she told us: “Toby was a broken man when he came back from his visit to the pie and mash shop in that London.

“He told me, that when he asked for a bit of gravy on his mash, the whole place fell silent. He said it was a bit like a Wild West saloon when the baddie walks through the swing doors spoiling for a fight.

“He told me that the woman who was serving him just folded her arms and stared at him. He said she made him feel like a common criminal.

“Eventually, a man at a nearby table walked over and told him that he’d better leave before things ‘turned nasty’

“When he arrived home, he was a broken man. He was spending all his time in his pigeon loft with just his whippet for company, smoking his pipe and talking to his birds.

“I tried to cheer him up by offering to put a ferret down his trousers but he just wasn’t interested.

“The night he took his own life I realised things had got really bad. I asked him if he wanted some thick onion gravy on his Yorkshire pudding and he just broke down and started crying”

This tragedy mirrors an incident 2 years ago when a man from Sheffield, who was visiting the capital for The Rugby League Challenge Cup Final between Widnes and Warrington at Wembley, was found face-down in The Thames after asking for a plastic knife and fork at a Whitechapel jellied eels stall.

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