spleen
Mr Dell’s spleen pictured in happier times during a recent holiday in Crete

 

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man was recovering in hospital last night after rupturing his spleen as he tried to hop nimbly from the road onto the pavement in front of an attractive young woman yesterday afternoon.

Toby Dell, a married man and father of 7, told The Whelk: “It was against my better judgement, but when I saw the girl looking in my direction, I attempted a carefree and nimble hop onto the pavement. I immediately felt this sharp pain and collapsed to the ground with a ruptured spleen.”

We managed to trace the girl concerned last night who told our reporter that Mr Dell “needs to grow up” and that, in her opinion, he was, “a fucking idiot”

This incident comes just a week after a 50-year-old man from Bethnal Green was killed instantly when he tried to vault over a car park railing in front of a group of schoolgirls.