From our currant affairs editor, Danny Soz
A 47-year-old Whitechapel woman has made the astonishing claim that her chronic dandruff, which has plagued her since early childhood, has now completely cleared up, due, to what she believes to be, the miraculous healing powers of a likeness of US President, Donald Trump she spotted in a hot cross bun.
Tracy Dell, a housewife and mother of 4, told newsmen: “I arrived back from Lidl last Friday and decided to eat one of the hot cross buns I had bought earlier.
“To my surprise, the face of Donald Trump was clearly visible in the corner of one of them. There was no doubt about it. Two of the currants were his eyes and a burnt orangey section at the top was his hair.
“Almost immediately, a bright light flooded the kitchen and I felt a burning sensation on my scalp.
“I heard a voice cry out: “Dandruff! You are banned from this woman until we find out what the hell’s going on. Make her scalp great again”
“After I’d calmed down a bit, I looked in the mirror and my dandruff had completely cleared up. It’s a miracle and I can’t thank Mr Trump enough.
“Like almost everybody else in Britain, I hated Trump’s guts big time and I was going to bare my arse and throw bottles of piss at him when he visits this country in November, but after this, I’ll just stay home and watch it on the telly instead”
Mrs Dell’s revelation comes exactly 25 years after a man from neighbouring Shoreditch was cured of long-term irritable bowel syndrome after spotting the face of Ronald Reagan on the burnt surface of a custard tart.