“Your evening primrose oil or your life, mate!”


Dear Meg

I’m a 25-year-old male who, despite being reasonably attractive, still hasn’t slept with a girl. My problem lies in the size of my penis which is only 4″ long when erect.

Despite having had quite a few girls show an interest in me, I’m scared that once they see me naked it will put them off and that they might even laugh at me.

Please help me Meg as I’m a kind person who has so much love to give if only I could find a way past this small problem.

Toby Dell
London E1


Dear Toby

“Small problem” being the operative word, you snivelling, insignificant, dickless wonder!

Why don’t you just accept the fact that you’re a pathetic, laughable excuse for a man and leave the female population to get themselves serviced by men that don’t have to masturbate using a microscope and a pair of tweezers?

I bet you’re one of these pathetic little worms that won’t go in the showers at the rugby club until all the other real men have gone home, aren’t you? Scared that they’ll catch a glimpse of your little soldier and start calling you “Mr Stumpy”

You make me sick to the pit of my stomach, do you know that? So-called, ‘men’ like you should be drowned in a bucket at birth by the midwife as soon as they spot your inadequacy.

In point of fact, why don’t you just end it all and do the rest of humanity a favour? Either that or go and earn a living in a circus freak show billed as The Human Cigarette Butt

I hope this has been of help to you Toby

Kind Regards

Meg Blobstrop (Miss)

London E1

Menopausal Meg is an associate director of The Nasty Bastards & Hot Flushes Appreciation Society