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Veteran actor and soft-shoe shuffle specialist, Dick Van Dyke, has told journalists that eating just one banana a day could increase the lifespan of the average person by an astonishing 10 minutes.

Van Dyke, 132, told a press conference in Limehouse in East London: “I’ve done loads of experiments in my garage on this one using rabbits and a couple of Sumatran gibbons, and the results were absolutely conclusive.

“After giving them a banana a day for 2 weeks, all the rabbits lived up to 10 minutes longer and I fully expect the gibbons to do the same”

The Mary Poppins star has already achieved worldwide medical acclaim by discovering that drinking 8 litres of liquid paraffin a day followed by a lit match is a fast-acting remedy that provides welcome relief for people with impacted stools.

Disclaimer: No rabbits or gibbons were harmed during the writing of this report. A Tibetan llama was given a bit of a larruping mind. – Ed

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