Veteran actor and soft-shoe shuffle specialist, Dick Van Dyke, has told journalists that eating just one banana a day could increase the lifespan of the average person by an astonishing 10 minutes.
Van Dyke, 132, told a press conference in Limehouse in East London: “I’ve done loads of experiments in my garage on this one using rabbits and a couple of Sumatran gibbons, and the results were absolutely conclusive.
“After giving them a banana a day for 2 weeks, all the rabbits lived up to 10 minutes longer and I fully expect the gibbons to do the same”
The Mary Poppins star has already achieved worldwide medical acclaim by discovering that drinking 8 litres of liquid paraffin a day followed by a lit match is a fast-acting remedy that provides welcome relief for people with impacted stools.
Disclaimer: No rabbits or gibbons were harmed during the writing of this report. A Tibetan llama was given a bit of a larruping mind. – Ed
The Whitechapel Whelk 
February 13, 2018 at 4:35 am
Oooooooh…it’s a jolly ‘oliday wiv Mayweeeeee!
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February 13, 2018 at 4:36 am
Oh for God’s sake!
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February 13, 2018 at 4:37 am
😀
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February 13, 2018 at 4:36 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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February 13, 2018 at 8:00 am
Huh. I tried this. I wasted over an hour getting to the supermarket and back with my banana, just to get 10 extra minutes. False economy, Mr Van Dyke!
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February 13, 2018 at 11:38 am
Pass the bananas, but skip the paraffin.
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February 13, 2018 at 12:02 pm
I’d have to spend those 10 minutes working to pay off my banana debt.
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February 13, 2018 at 3:57 pm
I’m donating the money I set aside for the bananas to the llama. 🙂
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