What’s in a name? English cigarettes or a collection of American homosexual gentlemen? You decide.


A 42-year-old British tourist was badly beaten in a bar in Montgomery, Alabama, last Friday evening after telling fellow drinkers that he was ‘dying for a fag’ (the colloquial English term for cigarettes) after running out of rolling tobacco earlier in the evening.

Toby Dell, a forklift truck driver from Whitechapel, had failed to realise the homosexual connotations of his statement and was attacked by a number of drinkers before being tied to a pickup truck by his ankles and dragged around the car park.

Mr Dell’s wife, Tracy, 42, told reporters outside the hospital: “Toby’s on the mend and will be discharged tomorrow. He’s understandably upset by what happened, particularly because he’s the vice-chairman of the East London Anti-Gay and Lesbian Society”

In a similar incident in 2016, a 30-year-old rugby-loving man from Whitechapel in East London was beaten and thrown into a swamp in Louisiana after telling a burly man in a bar that he looked like a hooker.

Editor’s Note: It’s probably best not to ask an American lady to dress up in suspenders either. No good will come of it, trust me.