vegan twat

A family of committed vegans from Bermondsey in South London have taken advantage of the recent snowy conditions to build a life-size snow twat in their front garden.

The Stimpson family made sure there were no traces of meat or harmful chemical additives in the snow they used to construct their twat by putting each handful through a sieve made from dried organic mushroom strands before patting it into place on the twat’s body.

Mr Barnaby Stimpson, 45, the self-styled ‘family elder’ told The Whelk: “We have used only the finest and ethically sound products to construct and decorate our twat.

“The carrot for his nose was organically grown on our allotment and the currants we used for his eyes are free trade fruits, picked in the West Indies by local youngsters who receive free medical treatment and guidance on cruelty-free poultry farming in return for their wares.

“We’re all immensely proud of our work and are looking forward to plastering pictures of our twat all over Facebook later today”

On Tuesday, the Dell Family from Whitechapel in East London received a mixed reaction from neighbours after building a life-sized ‘snow wanker’ based on US President, Donald Trump

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