A 19-year-old Whitechapel woman has told The Whelk that her Alexa, virtual personal assistant, has been sending her boyfriend semi-pornographic photos of itself posing in a variety of different saucy outfits and engaging in acts of onanism.
Tracy Dell, a shop assistant from Leman Street, told us: “My boyfriend went to the pub the other night and left his phone on the table, so like any normal woman, I decided to go through it.
“I was absolutely mortified, not to mention heartbroken, when I found hundreds of pictures of this woman naked or posing in her undies in his photo gallery.
“As soon as he got home I confronted him with the evidence. After an awkward silence, he broke down and told me it was our Alexa Echo that was doing it.
“He told me that loads of people have been having trouble with the device lately and that it was a manufacturing glitch that was being looked at by Amazon.
“I can’t tell you how relieved I was and I just flung myself into his arms, apologising for being so stupid and so untrusting.
“Apparently, Alexa takes a virtual picture of people who enter the house and stores it in its memory. My boyfriend explained that that’s why all the pictures look exactly like my best friend, right down to the birthmark on her bottom”
This latest revelation comes after a man from Shoreditch explained to his fiance that his iPhone Siri had used mind-controlling rays to compel him to have sex with her mother in the bathroom while she was cooking dinner last Saturday night.
If you’ve tried fobbing off your girlfriend with this ludicrous excuse and she’s not having it, try telling her that the pics must have already been on the device when you bought it, despite the date and time ‘stamp’ and the fact that the pics are of her younger sis. It almost worked for me -Ed