Monkey business. The House of Commons pictured in uproar yesterday afternoon


A furious debate is raging across the political divide as to who is the best zee. Is it the jungle-dwelling primate, Chimpan, or the rap star husband of Beyonce, Jay.

Opinion was fiercely divided amongst MPs in The House of Commons last night as the debate raged among members from all parties.

Labour’s left-wing firebrand, Denis Skinner, was vociferous in his assertion that Jay was head and shoulders above his sub-Saharan African rival: “There can be little doubt that Jay is the best zee by a country mile” he told a noisy debating chamber.

“I admit he’s not as good a singer as the chimpans, but at least he’s earned a few million quid and he gets to give Beyonce a scuttling on a Saturday night. That has to count for something”

Prime Minister, Theresa May, strongly rebuffed Skinner’s assertion, telling The House: “What utter nonsense from my honourable friend.

“Chimpans are not only better entertainers than Jay but they are also quite strong and could tear him limb from limb in a fight.

“Also, the babies are very cute, especially when dressed as children and sat down together at a tea party”

The debate broadened last night when the controversial right-wing, ex-UKIP leader, Nigel Farage, said on the BBC’s, Question Time: “I like them both as neither of them are European, however, if push comes to shove, I’ll go for the one who’s the least black”