A 52-year-old Whitechapel man was knocked unconscious by a boxing glove on a spring that shot out of his PC monitor after he switched off the machine during a Windows update yesterday morning.
Toby Dell, a forklift truck quality control inspector, told us yesterday: “I switched on my computer as normal yesterday morning and spotted a notification asking me to restart the machine so that important updates could be installed.
“I went to my menu and clicked on ‘restart and update’ and went to make a cup of tea.
“When I got back, it had still only completed 15% of the update so I sat down to await completion of the process.
“Half an hour later, it had only reached 18%. I needed to get off to work so I decided to defy the message telling me not to switch off and held down the power button.
“It was then that a boxing glove on a spring shot out of the screen and punched me in the face.
“It packed a real punch and knocked me off my chair. I must have been unconscious for quite some time and only came round when my wife threw a bucket of water over me and began fanning me with a towel.
“I contacted the customer service department of PC World where I bought the machine but the woman on the phone told me to fuck off out of it.”
This latest incident comes just weeks after a 47-year-old woman from neighbouring Shadwell had her fingers broken when her laptop lid repeatedly slammed itself down on them as she tried to switch her machine to hibernation mode during a scheduled scan by Windows Defender.
April 10, 2018 at 6:46 am
Spot-on!
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April 10, 2018 at 7:17 am
I detect the voice of bitter experience there, Inchmeister
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April 10, 2018 at 3:33 pm
Well spotted, Sir! Tsk!
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April 10, 2018 at 8:13 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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April 10, 2018 at 8:38 am
He got off lightly. The other day I attempted to reverse the Windows “creator’s update” after it broke several third party applications. My power saw switched itself on, cut its way out of the garage and hacked my arm off.
Don’t mess with Microsoft.
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April 10, 2018 at 12:34 pm
You’re one of these people that knows a little bit about computers aren’t you? *lights pipe and backs out of room*
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April 10, 2018 at 9:39 am
That punch was delivered by a fake Microsoft call centre somewhere in the world.
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April 10, 2018 at 12:38 pm
I’ll have whatever it is you’re smoking.
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April 10, 2018 at 1:09 pm
Ring the call centre. They have supplies.
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April 10, 2018 at 12:26 pm
A new form of hacking, perhaps?
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April 10, 2018 at 12:39 pm
We live in exciting times, mate.
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April 10, 2018 at 3:52 pm
I narrowly missed being electrocuted when I refused to have an update at an inconvenient time!
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April 11, 2018 at 3:51 am
I narrowly missed being electrocuted once. Fortunately, I was given a stay of execution by the governor of Alabammy
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April 10, 2018 at 4:00 pm
My laptop has got me in a headlock right now just ‘cos I swore when I saw it doing a critical update. Bastard. OW! STOP THAT!!! RIGHT, YOU FFFFFFFFFF…!!! (Maybe chat later, yeah?)
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April 11, 2018 at 3:51 am
It’s all go isn’t it, Jifster?
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April 11, 2018 at 1:31 am
I hate Windows Update – the damn thing always starts as I’m about to leave for a train. I fell like putting a hammer through the screen.
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April 11, 2018 at 3:53 am
You should have used a third world application to error code your 404 drive. Don’t you know ANYTHING Dan? 😦
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April 11, 2018 at 12:49 pm
This is why I need to retire…
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April 11, 2018 at 1:49 pm
Don’t worry. Mr Trump’s going to retire the lot of us soon 🙂
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