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A 28-year-old Whitechapel woman has told The Whelk that her husband’s constant flow of idle chit-chat during heavy petting prior to sex is infuriating beyond belief and shows “a lack of respect”

Speaking to us from her home in Leman Street, Tracy Dell, a dental nurse, said: “He’s been doing this ever since we first met. In my opinion, it shows a complete and utter lack of respect.

“I should have seen the writing on the wall on our third date when he started going on about the retail price index during a mutual masturbation session just before we slept together for the first time.

“Once he gets down to the actual scuttling he’s absolutely fine and is a good as the next man. It’s the idle chit-chat beforehand that gets me down.

“Just to be adventurous, I once started pleasuring him under the table in a restaurant with my foot, but instead of groaning in ecstasy, he started asking me if I fancied a biking holiday in The Cotswolds later in the year”

Mr Dell wasn’t home when we called to interview him, but we did hear a man in the house next door asking the attractive 30-year-old divorcee that lives there who she’s going to vote for in the forthcoming local elections.