The Vatican is set to beatify a Whitechapel man after last Tuesday’s BBC TV listings appeared on his penis.
Toby Dell, 52, a forklift truck mechanic from Vallance Road, spotted the phenomena last Tuesday morning while emptying his bladder
“I couldn’t believe it,” he told The Whelk. “The BBC telly listings just appeared on my nob as if by magic.
“They were all there, both BBC 1 and 2, although BBC 4 wasn’t on it, probably because it’s on cable.
“I had a look on the underside to see if the ITV programmes were on there but it was bare
“It came in handy that evening as my missus had forgotten to get a paper so we just checked my cory to see what was on next.”
The Vatican now plan to have Mr Dell beatified as a bringer of miracles, alongside Mother Theresa, Pope John Paul II, and roly-poly BBC Radio London presenter, Vanessa Feltz, who, in 2002, had the entire week’s Christmas TV schedule, including the satellite and cable listings, appear on one of the cheeks of her arse.