Animal behaviourists are convinced that under-threat baby orangutans are not in the least bit grateful that conservationists and zoologists are actively engaged in saving them from extinction.

A spokesman for The Royal Geographic Society told us: “As far as I’m aware, not one juvenile orangutan has ever expressed a modicum of gratitude that efforts are being made to preserve their habitat and to save them from extinction.

“It’s pretty disheartening, to be honest with you”

Internationally acclaimed naturalist, Sir David Attenborough, backed up the theory last night: “I’ve come across hundreds of young orangutans in my time, and not once has an individual ever thanked me for all the work I and others do to protect their species.

“I’ve half a mind to leave the ungrateful little sods to their fate and direct my energies towards animals that actually appreciate the efforts that are being made on their behalf, like gibbons and those great big fuck off tortoises you get on the Galapagos Islands”