DialUPSuccess
Did you ever get this far? No, nor did we.

 

The last man in Britain still using an internet dial-up connection has passed away peacefully at his home, still in the process of getting online after beginning his attempt in October 2004.

Toby Dell, 57, from Whitechapel in East London, steadfastly refused the chance to switch to cable, despite the fact that he was suffering from tinnitus due to the constant bleeps and whistles coming from his desktop computer, and hadn’t been able to receive any landline calls for 14 years while his dial-up attempt had been in progress.

His wife, Tracy, told us last night: “The whole family kept telling him to switch to broadband but he wouldn’t have it.

“I once saw him go without food and sleep for 72 hours while he waited for a picture of a woman with big tits to download in 2002.

“At least he’s at peace now and we can sell his Atari Pong 4 video game consul and throw out his record player with the wind-up handle on the side”

The world record for a dial-up attempt is held by an 85-year-old man in China who hanged himself in 2016 after waiting 19 years to get online, only to get a “connection failed” notice when the little blue bar was tantalisingly just days away from the end of its travel.