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The Lash (nobody wanted to look for a sodomy pic)

Following the United States Navy’s decision to end the practice of imposing punishment rations of bread and water on miscreants, the British Royal Navy has announced that from March 2019, the time-served naval practices of covert homosexual activities and the issuing of punishment beatings with the cat-o-nine-tails will be outlawed.

A Royal Navy spokesman told newsmen last night: “As a modern fighting force, we felt the time was right for antiquated practices like anal sex in the brig and thrashings with a tarred and knotted rope to be phased out.

“Although, I have to say, that on a personal level I shall miss it and so will my wife”

This move comes just a month after The British Army ended the practices of wog-baiting and burying new recruits up to the neck in anthills and leaving them to die under a burning sun.

FOOTNOTE: The last man to be flogged on deck was Able Seaman Toby Dell, from East London, who received 15 lashes for posting a picture of his dinner on Instagram in 1906