Image result for prince philip
Prince Philip pictured looking pale and pretty drunk following the accident yesterday

Following the road traffic accident yesterday in which a Range Rover being driven by HRH Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh, ended up in a ditch, the 97-year-old Duke put the blame squarely on the driver of the other car involved in the incident, who he described as, “a slitty-eyed Chinaman who was driving like an Indian”

Philip, 97, told newsmen: “I was driving along minding my own business on the way back from the pub when this other car came straight at me like a bat out of bloody hell.

“I’ve seen Indians drive better and that’s bloody saying something believe you me.

“I didn’t get a really good look at the Johnny in the other jalopy, but he was an odd-looking cove with yellow skin and slitty eyes. A bit like a bloody Chinaman.

“One minute we’re teaching these blighters how to use a knife and fork, and the next, they’re forcing off our own bloody roads.”

The Duke was said to be comfortable last night, although a royal insider said he was suffering from minor bruising following a late night, whisky-fuelled rolling pin attack by The Queen.