There were fresh calls for The Duke of Edinburgh to be taken off of Britain’s roads last night as reports emerged that the 97-year-old had crashed his new Landrover Discovery into the Scottish town of Arbroath, causing thousands of pounds of damage to property and sinking a scallop fishing trawler in the harbour.
The Duke had apparently given royal protection officers the slip at The Queen’s Sandringham estate and had taken to the road at around midday on Tuesday, just days after his collision with another vehicle had injured 2 women.
Eyewitnesses said he crashed into the small fishing port at around 7.00 pm, hitting a public house, the local swimming baths and a number of residential homes before rolling the vehicle onto its roof on the deck of a fishing boat that was at the quayside unloading a cargo of scallops, causing it to sink to the bottom of the harbour.
The skipper of the vessel, Michael “Bucky” Doyle, 87, told newsmen: “He was quite apologetic when he climbed out of the motor.
“He asked me if I was alright and then offered me a fiver to keep my mouth shut.
“He told me he was momentarily blinded by the low sun, but I don’t see how that could be the case as it had gone down about 2 hours beforehand.
“He then said he was off to the pub and asked me to ring The Queen and tell her to pick him up.
“When I got through, The Queen was pretty angry and called him, a f*****g senile c**t.
“She arrived just before midnight and stormed into the pub with a face like thunder.
“The landlord told me that she tipped his pint over his head and started hitting him across the back with a horsewhip. She then tipped his fish supper into his lap before dragging him out to the motor”
Before last night’s dramatic events, Arbroath’s only previous claim to fame was the fact that it has more impotent males per square mile than any other place on earth.