In an unprecedented move, Parliament last night voted to take control of veteran British actor, Michael Caine and has now occupied his swish home in Beverly Hills
Caine, 108, told newsmen last night: “I got up this morning and went downstairs to make a brew as usual, only to find Anna Soubry, Hilary Benn and Angela Eagle, sprawled out on the sofa reading the papers.
“I asked them what they were playing at only be told to “fuck off out of it” by Mr Benn.
“I wouldn’t mind, but when I went to have my morning slash in the downstairs bog, I found that Speaker of The House, John Bercow, was in there having a shit and I had to get in the stairlift and use the one upstairs”
It is believed that Parliament will later stage a series of votes on Caine’s future film roles, including whether to allow him to play any more fired-up old geezers who decide to shoot all the drug dealers on his council estate because they killed one of his juicehead mates.
This move mirrors an earlier parliamentary decision to seize control of Bond actor, Piers Brosnan, that was subsequently abandoned when he began singing a medley of tunes from Mama Mia.
March 28, 2019 at 11:04 am
It’s like we’re in a race to the low end of the scale. Can we just send our folks from Washington over there and let you sort through and set everyone adrift in the North Atlantic with the Norwegian cruise ships and piles of plastic debris?
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March 29, 2019 at 8:12 am
Don’t tempt me.
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March 28, 2019 at 11:17 am
Michael Caine is a national treasure. Which nation? Well, let’s just say that he’s available and speaks passable Spanish…
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March 28, 2019 at 1:14 pm
Let’s all move to Canada. They have singing Mounties.
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March 31, 2019 at 1:50 pm
I like Mike.
This post is truly funny. Cheers, thanks a lot.
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